So I'm at work with my buds in to keep me moving and motivated, etc. "Interlude : Memory" from Janet Jackson's Velvet Rope comes on. It's just 4 seconds of her saying "You don't have to hold on to the pain to hold on to the memory." The next song to play is Natalie Merchant's "River" from Tigerlilly, WOW!
If anyone is NOT familiar with "River" it is a song regarding the life and (mostly) death of River Phoenix. If you do not know who that is, why do you read my blog? Not that I discuss him (ever) but those who are on a similar page as me would a) know Natalie's work and/or b) know who R.P. is - anyway, if you are now being educated, welcome to my blog - please feel free to stay and may I inquire why you are here? LOL! Hope that doesn't sound bitchy; that is certainly not my intent.
Anywho...as I was saying - how did my IPOD put that together? Random, I know, but really cool. And I am a bit tired so maybe overthinking??? Didn't even remember that part of Velvet Rope so it was really surprising to hear that connection. Alright - whatever. Moving on now.
ps - love when shit like that happens!!
Whatever we want it to be, whenever!
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” - Mahatma Gandhi
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
dumbfounded
I lost my mother five days ago. She was, as most are, my biggest fan. She thought I had a great voice. She thought I was a great writer - LOVED my writing!! There was nothing I couldn't accomplish - she truly always believed in me - absolutely. She gave me my humanity, my confidence, my compassion. Most who know me know that I am complex. I come off quite blunt and harsh and at the surface that is who I am. Those inner layers that are so well protected and rarely seen are from my mother. I guard them as they are precious. It's now all that I have left of her - and the occasional smile or twinkle in my daughter's eyes.
She was a religious person - I am not. Ironically, it was her faith and condition that provided the falling out of my own. She has been ill for years, decades! How could someone with such devotion be rewarded so poorly? Obviously her beliefs were in vain. So I let go of mine - I was angry, I was confused, I was frustrated. Over time, as I got older and observed the world around us and the human condition, the lack of character and hypocrisy amongst those who preached the "love" the most, I realized for myself that the emotions that took me to the place of being agnostic logically and intellectually developed into who I am today, an athiest.
I was speaking with my four year old son yesterday morning. We were laying upside down on my bed just relaxing before beginning our day. He knew Grandma was at the hospital a few days prior and that I rushed to take care of her. He asked how she was and I told him that Grandma had died. We put our dog down a month ago and lost a couple chickens a few months prior to that so he has some concept of death. As much, I would suppose, a four year old can.
He asked where she was and I paused and explained this gets pretty complicated but that there are different ideas of what happens after someone dies. Some think that they a born again as a new baby and grow and have a new life. Some believe they go to a special place where they have nothing but happiness. Some people think they are just gone and that it. Then he asked if she was walking. My mother hasn't walked in 23 years - I told him with a huge smile on my face, "Yes, Grandma is walking, baby."
She was a religious person - I am not. Ironically, it was her faith and condition that provided the falling out of my own. She has been ill for years, decades! How could someone with such devotion be rewarded so poorly? Obviously her beliefs were in vain. So I let go of mine - I was angry, I was confused, I was frustrated. Over time, as I got older and observed the world around us and the human condition, the lack of character and hypocrisy amongst those who preached the "love" the most, I realized for myself that the emotions that took me to the place of being agnostic logically and intellectually developed into who I am today, an athiest.
I was speaking with my four year old son yesterday morning. We were laying upside down on my bed just relaxing before beginning our day. He knew Grandma was at the hospital a few days prior and that I rushed to take care of her. He asked how she was and I told him that Grandma had died. We put our dog down a month ago and lost a couple chickens a few months prior to that so he has some concept of death. As much, I would suppose, a four year old can.
He asked where she was and I paused and explained this gets pretty complicated but that there are different ideas of what happens after someone dies. Some think that they a born again as a new baby and grow and have a new life. Some believe they go to a special place where they have nothing but happiness. Some people think they are just gone and that it. Then he asked if she was walking. My mother hasn't walked in 23 years - I told him with a huge smile on my face, "Yes, Grandma is walking, baby."
Sunday, April 01, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
sore and feeling old...er
So I busted tail all day yesterday planting trees, hedges, and plants, etc. I wacked my way through an old ficus tree stump and finally conqueured those arms meandering through the earth. Today I pay for it all dearly. Dearly!
Breathing takes some focus. Typing is quite the chore as even the muscles in my hand, specifically between my forefinger and thumb, are inflamed. The blisters on the palms make it unbearable to use lotion to soothe and / or soften my calloused and chapped fingers. It's been quite a day back at work in the "cube" so I am very glad for it to be almost over.
I haven't posted in quite a while so I thought I would take a few moments at the end my day. Been gym-ing regularly and really starting to see and feel those bennies. Bout F*N time is all I can say there - although I have begun incorporating more cardio as fat burning is non-existent which has been frustrating. Took the bik out for a few good rides - especially one up near Camp Verde that was a bit technical. Been hiking a bit and increasing time on the stationary bike as well as rowing and treadmill. Although I have been trying to provide most of the cardio from outdoor activities. It's more fun and mentally stimulating.
Well, yesterday, I certainly acheived both cardio and resistance training. At this point, my forearems are burning and cramping so I suppose this post is done. I'll have to get back to this a bit more regularly - perhaps at least commit to a weekly update - okay - they really hurt now, so terribly sad. I'm out!
Breathing takes some focus. Typing is quite the chore as even the muscles in my hand, specifically between my forefinger and thumb, are inflamed. The blisters on the palms make it unbearable to use lotion to soothe and / or soften my calloused and chapped fingers. It's been quite a day back at work in the "cube" so I am very glad for it to be almost over.
I haven't posted in quite a while so I thought I would take a few moments at the end my day. Been gym-ing regularly and really starting to see and feel those bennies. Bout F*N time is all I can say there - although I have begun incorporating more cardio as fat burning is non-existent which has been frustrating. Took the bik out for a few good rides - especially one up near Camp Verde that was a bit technical. Been hiking a bit and increasing time on the stationary bike as well as rowing and treadmill. Although I have been trying to provide most of the cardio from outdoor activities. It's more fun and mentally stimulating.
Well, yesterday, I certainly acheived both cardio and resistance training. At this point, my forearems are burning and cramping so I suppose this post is done. I'll have to get back to this a bit more regularly - perhaps at least commit to a weekly update - okay - they really hurt now, so terribly sad. I'm out!
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