Tuesday, November 29, 2005

This just in...

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

Afterward, the American team became very discouraged and morally depressed. The American management Team made up of senior mangement was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and one rowing.

So American management hired a consulting company and paid them an incredible amount of money. After six months of hard work, they advised that too many people were steering the boat and not enough were rowing.

The American Team acted: to prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the rowing team's mangement structure was reorg'd to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the Rowing Team Quality First Program, or RTQFP...with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. Even new paddles and medical bennie incentives were promised for a winner. "We must give the rower the empowerment and enrichments through this quality program."

The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles and cancelled all capital investments for new equipments. The money save was distributed to the senior execs as bonuses for a job well done.

Hey! I work for these guys?!?!?! No SH&#T!

Monday, November 28, 2005


Two things I think are a big waste of time, sleeping and using the restroom...

now there's not much to gripe about sleeping unless of course you are unable to and are in dire need of it however there is mucho to discuss when it comes to the other physical neccessity.

Gripe list begins now:

1) When you tear off the tissue paper and you get that tail, you know, the corner piece that lingers into the next square and creates this uneven cut of the paper. Hate that.

2) When you need to just do number one but you know you'll end up with a squeaker and you're using a public restroom so you try to release number one slowly to avoid the 'soundtrack'.

3) When you have an upset tummy and need to take care of it like, NOW and someone is in the restroom lingering to do their hair or just admire themselves in the mirror knowing full well you need the privacy - they do it to torture us!

4) The person who tries to enter your stall and realizes it's locked and then LOOKS in the crack to verify if it really is indeed occupied?! What's up with that!

5) The toilets that flush when you aren't done, swear these must have been cross-breeds between toilets and boudays

6) When you just get done(bad tummy) and as soon as you zip your pants, that pain comes back and you're back to square one.

7)You've got to go really bad and when you close the door you find "water" left behind on the seat

8) No toilet paper, paper towels, soap, or the faucets aren't working.

9)The extra roll (ONLY roll which is usually brown) of paper towels is sitting on that little metal shelf beneath the wall length mirror or on top of the paper compartment and has wet finger marks all along the top/bottom where it was grabbed before.

10) When the door opens inward and the garbarge can is no where near the door preventing you from either a) exiting using a paper towel and disposing of before leaving the area or b) forcing you to use the towel but then find a trash outside the restroom or c) using the towel, swinging the door extra wide so you can mad dash it to the trash receptacle, toss the used towel and sneak through the door before it closes on you
[sucks when you don't make it in time and have to start alllll over!]

Copy Cat!

Once again, coming to you LIVE from (http://todaysaddiction.blogspot.com/) ... she has got some really great reading material over there. The whole 'peircing' story is great and hey, been there done that!

Anyway, I digress - here's just a fun little exercise I thought I'd borrow since she was all too kind to share.

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Hmmm... 10 years ago I was working for America West Airlines and the original Coffee Plantation on Mill Avenue in downtown Tempe while attending ASU. I was also struggling getting MY OWN first pup (turning a year that Christmas) potty trained due to my erratic schedule to say the least and working with my then girlfriend on purchasing several many acres back in Pennsylvania (The Poconos) to open a Bed and Breakfast at a resort that was being sold down the street from where I once lived.

5 years ago

Wow! much more difficult, let's see - five years agoooo, I was living in my second house in North Phoenix with my two dogs (yes, she finally learned how to go OUTSIDE) and working for American Express in their Technologies department. At this point, for extra cash, I had taken a side job running pizza for Pizza Hut and was making my then girlfriend (same as the one 10 ago) crazy because we never spent time together. I was gearing up for the holiday and new year and working like a fiend. The B and B gig fell through as the land had been rezoned and was no longer parceled so the investors backed out forcing me to work like a fiend and remain in the hot desert sun of Arizona I like to call a Living Hell!

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. Munchies Classic Mix 2. Ben and Jerry's NY Super Fudge Chunk Ice Cream 3. ANY other kind of ice cream (no mocha types or bannana) 4. Super Tender Beef Jerky, Peppered 5. Milk Duds or Reisens

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

1. Elton John - Tiny Dancer: everyone has a soundtrack for their life and how each song represents someone they knew or some significant moment...this song is mine and only mine, brings no memory of anyone else or any time - sometimes that's just nice and necessary.

2. Stevie Nicks - Edge of Seventeen: this was my first significant and cognicent purchase of my adolesence. It paved the way of my musical distinction well through out high school and even today.

3. Anita Baker- name it and I know it! ...oh what a night...that one too - oh, can't forget that one, and...

4. Frank Sinatra - Under My Skin : when I met my love that was all I sang for weeks on end; in the car, out of the car, in the hallways at work, or in the shower - it's our song to this day and it brings a smile to our faces whenever we hear it.

5.The Cure - The Kiss: there's not much in the way of lyrics so it's not difficult to recall however it was what I played through out my Senior Year of high school, that and some Donovan. But mostly I really liked the line "Getting you F*CKING voice out of my head" part. Quite angst ridden I was.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:(Well a million isn't enough, let's pretend like it says several million, OK?) {I'm keeping her disclaimer}

1. My mother is incapacitated and lives in a nursing home(far too young, since she was 41) I would set her up on my (new) ranch w/ a live-in attendent and horses running around outside her cottage so she would have something to look at and make her happy.

2. Give all of my immediate family (which is pretty considerable) a 1/2 million each to do with whatever they wish.

3. Travel abundantly

4. Begin my Auto Collection starting with 67 vette convertible, 2006 Saab 93, and 79 Triumph Spitfire.

5. Buy a house on an island off Seattle coast in Washington state.

Five bad habits:

1. Chewing my nails (yea I'll keep that too)

2. Swearing like a salor ( okay, keeping that as well)

3. Being a control freak although I have made leaps on that one.

4. Speeding, can't even tell you how many times I've been pulled over; lost count after 40

5. Falling asleep anywhere...I can't keep my head from bobbing; it can be embarassing.

Five things you like doing:

1. Playing video games

2. reading

3. Going for long drives; exploring roads to where ever

4. Taking a day to north country; Flagstaff, Jerome, Sedona, or Williams

5. Playing in the snow; sledding, skiing, snow ball fights - so happy right now!!!!

Five things you would never wear again:

1. my satin piano tie from 1984

2. the headband reminiscent of "Physical" (same era)

3. pumps, the heels not the Reeboks

4. earring that coordinate with what I'm wearing

5. Make up - yuck!

Five favorite toys:

1. My computer

2. My Pocket PC

3. My gamecube, PS2, and Gameboys

4. the Fireplace

5. *blush* I can't say...it's a collection! (SOOOO keeping this one)

The pot calling the kettle...?

Okay, it's that time of year again when the streets are steaming from the cold air against the vents and kids are giddy with dreams in their head's and lists on their brains. People are in love or are miserable because they are not in love and for a little while every one is especially kinder...which is nice. However...

It never fails that every year at this TIME of year there is an email that goes around (I've already rec'd it for 2005) about Target denying Salvation Army jingling rights in front of their stores. It calls for a ban against the 'French owned' company. Now I don't know if they are or aren't French owned as my life is FAR too busy to verify by doing the research and I've come to learn that only a tenth of a percent do I believe that I see online via email or otherwise. Check SNOPES.COM for other validation on anything you come across...anyway...

To set the record straight...this issue is thus -

Target doesn't allow any organization or group or business or whatever that practices discrimination have anything to do with their name. Salvation Army (FOR YEARS!!!) has been known and does have pending suit after suit and already lost litigation in court to the fact that they have harassed, fired, and discriminated against those working for them or needing that 'helpful hand' due to religious practices, beliefs and sexuality to name a few. According to much documentation that CAN be substantiated - the Salvation Army has fired and harassed its employees who were known to practice a different religion than the company's beliefs or for having no belief whatsoever and has also denied assistance to those in need because of their sexuality. It is for THESE reasons that the store TARGET will not allow them in front of their doors. For as they do serve a good cause, they only serve SOME of America and not ALL of America which BY THE WAY was founded on religious freedom....hm? Imagine that.

So before anyone starts getting down with downing Target and boycotting them for this...realize you are serving a hypocrisy. I do not donate to the Salvation Army and I am one of hundreds upon thousands who do not support them due to these practices. There are many other local and national charities that work out of real pureness and it is those I either donate my time to or contribute my dollar. This is not to solicit you to NOT give to the Salvation Army but only to educate those who are unaware of the big picture before you erroneously forward another email yet again this year.

To that note, here's wishing you all a wonderful holiday season!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Yea, that's about right...

Found this on Addict's Page (http://todaysaddiction.blogspot.com/)
and was curious to see where I'd fall in. Ten years ago I probably would
have been activista mamacita but we mellow as we age, or so I've heard.

Earth Mama
You're an earth mother! Your friends sometimes
call you Gaea, because you're the original
earth goddess! You and your kids both have
dirt under your fingernails, and you spend as
much of your time as possible out of doors.
Your kids have an incredible appreciation for

What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

10 Things You Like Eating at Thanksgiving Dinner

1) Turkey with Rosemary
2) Red,Yellow Peppers, sliced Onion and Whole Green Beans
sauteed with garlic and butter
3) Artichokes with olive oil, garlic cloves
4) Grilled, skinless Sweet Potatoes
5) Stuffing(Stove Top)
6) *crisp and fresh* Olive bread
7) sliced Mushrooms in garlic and white wine
8) Mashed potatoes(pepper and garlic)
9) Steamed Broccoli(sans anything)
10) Homemade Cherry Pie with the Lace crust (a must) and Cool Whip

Next week: 10 Things You're Thankful For

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Step inside...

okay...so if anyone is familiar with this show, you know it's wonderfully entertaining and fun. For those who have never seen it, give it a shot - on BRAVO. Not the usual talk show banter, it's more lecture based. Actors sit with James Lipton and discuss their history and specific keys works of their past acting credits and how they transformed themselves or not into different roles. It's held before a studio audience of students that all ask questions at the end of the segment. What I love the most..., are the questions Lipton asks just before turning the mic over to the crowd. It goes something like this:

1. What is your favorite word? (Bittersweet)

2. What is your least favorite word? (N-word)

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? (sincere kindness)

4. What turns you off? (laziness)

5. What is your favorite curse word? (God damn it)

6. What sound or noise do you love? (wind thru pine tops)

7. What sound or noise do you hate? (motorcycles)

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? (musician)

9. What profession would you not like to do? (anything in a hospital)

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
(You're late.)

Any one care to try their hand? No. 3 is a bit tough but the key is to be as quick with answers as possible...not that 'Hollywood' doesn't practice and recite before hand...that would be fake?! lol.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Wow...interesting reading -

The roughly 60 million Americans born between 1965 and 1980 were young enough to be mostly untouched by Vietnam and old enough to burrow into decent careers, pre-outsourcing.Most didn't grow up over-medicated or over-managed by helicopter parents. They played with lawn darts. They were baby-sat by complete strangers.

For a time, Gen Xers indeed seemed to have gotten off light, living in a world of certainties. They had the luxury to be self-destructive, could be politically aware without the obligation to be politically active. It was a time for guilt-free self-indulgence."We grew up mostly in the Clinton administration and, not saying he was a perfect president, those were pretty easy times.

But then came the new millennium, and Sept. 11.Then, the war. The past year has seen an onslaught of the most deadly natural disasters in years. Meanwhile, the war in Iraq drags on.

Fuel prices, interest rates and job losses are an underscoring malignancy. We are "in a recession," as they say.The U.S. Supreme Court shuffle could - should conservative Judge Samuel Alito be confirmed - crack the foundations upon which the generation based its understanding of being American.

"I guess I'm seeing more how broken our system is, and has been for a long time," Nachinoff said. "Many people I know have their escape route to Canada all planned out."

"Douglas Lonnstrom, director of the Siena Research Institute and a professor of finance and statistics, ponders a question: Which period actually was the "most trying?" He put the question to national experts, asking them to rank eight difficult episodes in U.S. history. Though he's not yet ready to release results of the survey, he said that current times - the war on terrorism - made the list, along with the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, World War I, the Depression, World War II, the Cold War and the cultural revolution of the 1960s." -www.azcentral.com
...as reported by :Stephanie Earls of the Albany Times Union Nov. 19, 2005 12:00 AM

Let me just say how much I HATE this F*#$@G administration!!! Although as a gen-xer I suppose according to the above I've been let off easy all these years so Bush has just led us to the inevitable??? HM?

To say his approval rating is down is pretty comical from a guy who stole the election in the first place. Hell, not like I voted for the cuSTARTD...

...but let's not go there.

Been caught stealing....ONCE...when I was?

kiss my ass2
congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud

Thanks Minta!
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


Tower Records had/has a publication called PULSE! where they housed a section called DIDs aka Desert Island Discs. If you were stranded on a deserted island what 10 cds are a must have. This task is not as easy as it seems and being a music fiend, er fan...it grew progressively more difficult as I neared the end.

One saving grace are the greatest hit compliations that are so common today but I dare you, DOUBLE DOG, to write it up not using a single Greatest Hits record or Box set. Be true. Try it, it's a tough nut to crack. But, I moved on and made the ~commitment!~ and here they are in no particular order since, well -
I either have all ten or I don't :

1) The Prayer Cycle - Jonathan Elias
ALL the beauty in a single cd - something to feed the soul.

2) Disintegration - Cure
For the days I just want to die but be cool doing so.

3) Rumors - Fleetwood Mac
Classic rock to take care of the landscaping and build a shanti to.

4) Breakdown - Melissa Etheridge
Very introspective and raw - perhaps inspire a journal of my stay in the sand?

5) Fumbling Towards Ecstasy - Sarah McLachlan
Music and voice to take me into the evenings
over moonlit dinners of crab and coconut.

6) Rapture - Anita Baker
To woo my make believe girlfriend as the sun bakes my brain to insanity.

7) Waiting for the Night - Freddy Jones Band
Very outdoors and picnic like - good hanging with friends kind of stuff, spirit pick-me-up.

8) Black and White - BoDeans
Almost cheated with these guys...feel good sing along music, they rock!

9) Love Deluxe - Sade
Something for those balmy days to chill to.

10) Believe - Cher
There's got to be a night life!?!?!?! Everybody DANCE!!!!!!!

I know I've forgotten to even consider plenty of other groups. Simply Red, Depheche Mode, EARLY Madonna not to mention Stevie Nicks solo efforts. The MOTELS, LOVE THEM!!!

However, this is about being stranded and the choices need to be for the long haul, something that wouldn't make me crazy but tickle my fancy and feed my moods. Therefore the above is the list. Try making your own - perhaps you'll remind me of another forgotten artist and I'll have to redo he list all over again.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Blessed are the quiet evenings.

Fortunately, tonight has so far proven to be very quiet at work. After an 1 1/2 hour waste of time called a meeting, I have sat at my desk looking for things to do when it occurred to me, "HEY! Why not work on my blog?!" So, here I am at that. I'm online listening to the msn radio station 80's grooves which I state time and time again, I am stuck in and proud to say and stay so!
Having that said, it made me think of some pretty embarassing times: argyle vest sweaters over polo shirts and moccasin boots with black concert tees.

Not to mention CHOOSE LIFE oversized shirts and knock0ff RayBans.

Yea, those were the days

Which of course leads me to the point of this whole 'discussion' if you will and that is those little guilty pleasures that we horde secretly when we're in the shower and the house is empty or alone in the car on an empty freeway, or late at night on the tube while the rest of the clan are asleep.

Anyway...in the interest of introspection, I'll shed my 'cloak' and share some of those little tweak pieces of me that make me the dork that I am. Such as staying up to watch Wonder Woman reruns(probably still would if I had the time). Listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart and ACTING OUT the drama...Oh, the drama...

Watching Footloose and getting excited when Bacon and Penn start dancing at the end. Or even better, singing along to Michelle Pfieffer in Grease 2 as she straddles the ladder in Cool Rider... hey, I think she once made my list (see prev entry).

I recall listening to Tears for Fears and marvelling at what I thought at the time to be political genius along with groaning in agony with Robert Smith's angst.

Feeling like part of the brat pack and totally associating all my friends with different members of the breakfast club. Thinking Demi Moore and Rob Lowe were the perfect intense couple. Actually, jr high was more like the club, in high school it was Fast Times and who didn't know a Spicoli or enjoy their own version of Mr. Hand????

Remember Rupert Holmes and his Pina Coladas...thought that was such a romantic song... yea, about a guy looking to cheat/dump his wife... far cry from the tragedies of Shakespeare but hey, it was the 80's which was perhaps the MOST shallow decade of all time.

Considering entertainment on the telly those days were the dramas: Dynasty, Dallas, Knots Landing, and Falcon Crest. C'mon, what kind of positive influence were they??? Hey, give them SOME credit. It did inspire an entire generation to make money, wield power, and sleep around though.

I recall fondly PopRocks and Duran Duran, reading Tiger Beat magazines and discussing if Scott Baio or Matt Dillon were hotter; I remember rock and roll before it became a bad hair joke and Sting outgrew the Police...

Yet somewhere between MTV(when there was music) and AIDS we learned all we needed to know about life, politics, and the American Way.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Okay, totally feeling like a cheater today

My last two posts were pure fluff and for all the 'fun' they may have posed in reality there was no substance. Ergo, I will try to be a little more insightful, as it won't take much, now with this entry discuss what I love to bring up most often as party gabble...The List!

As many may already be familiar with, The List is a list of celebrity we are given the right to be unfaithful with should the opportunity present itself. Now I am HUGE on fidelity if I am in a monogomous relationship so I don't justify cheating on any OTHER level however, I think the list important and deserves some fair attention.

Which brings me to my list:

1) Hello Salma...between her passion and drive in the industry not to mention that ass...er accent and incredible BRAIN she is on the top of the list. Not just because she is obviously beautiful, but incredible focused and dedicated to her craft, her vision, her dream. She makes films that matter, such as In the Time of the Butterflies, Frida, Desperados...okay maybe not the last one although it did matter to me...

2) Now I'm a huge fan of music of ALL kinds, international as well as domestic pop and there are songwriters that are truly gifted and all inspiring. Upon my Junior year of high school I connected with the style and beautiful music created out of Vox, Sarah's first album. I've been hooked by her somber yet magical sound ever since. She can take me places and back with every refrain. Gotta love that.

3) Number three is the uncomparable Susan Sarandon. Gotta love an older woman and what's so fantastic about her is her ideals, her outspoken ways and how she wears her heart on her sleeve. She's not afraid to say what's on her mind and she doesn't just talk but she acts. Involved in so many worth while causes and always charitable to a fault. Truly intellectual and beautiful and talented and so amazing. Just to listen to her talk, ... fanning myself to prevent fainting at the mere thought. Most provacative and incredible lucious. Sorry for being crude but I think she would win most seductive, sexy, sultry woman in this entire list...why she's not number 1 you might ask...? I just don't know - guess it comes back down to the age thing? Shitty of me I know but hey, she is with out a doubt in the top three!!! Hmm, in hind sight I have a thing for women with S names...who knew?

4) Now when you get down to 4 and 5 it becomes far more difficult to choose because you only have two spots left and you just naturally become that much more critical. These two spots for me seem to be alternating like a revolving door depending on the new celebrity to come forward or what I may find revealed of another so for me I treat spots 4 and 5 as alternates. In this place there's been a few that I will not name for embarassment and some for I simply forgot...obviously not worthy of being placed in the first place. Some that made these spots on the list are :
Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and not because I know much about her but because she's a pretty woman (my so shallow side) and I loved her character from The Abyss...a strong, very strong yet fallable heroine. But she has a fun side as shown in Robin Hood Prince of Theives.

Another, Angie Harmon, again incredibly dark and beautiful woman yet also a strong character from Law and Order (sad day when she left) plus love that husky voice. Also Meg Ryan (the only blond I think?) and others...I don't know. What I do know is the constants that have stayed are the Women of spaces 1, 2 and 3. Commitment has been a problem of mine in the past and knowing I have spaces 4 and 5 revolving I guess let me feel like I have that out?!?!?! LOL!

So that is my post for the night...unless of course something spectacular occurs while the rest of you sleep...although I highly doubt that...at least not here in my cube cell of grey and purple flecked fabricated 'walls'.

Now you all have something to ponder and reflect upon - please, share your lists!

Doing absolutely nothing.

Assassin -- As an assassin you're job is pretty
simple. You get paid to kill people. You deal
in stealth and secrecy. Speed and agility are
two of your strengths. Whether with poison,
arrows, or daggers you get the job done and
fast. You don't hang around to chat with your
victims, but rather try to finish them off as
fast as possible without them ever knowing what
hit them.

What type of warrior are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

SOOOOooooooo WRONG!!!!!!

Your Hair Should Be Blue

Wild, brilliant, and out of control.

You're a risk taker with an eye to the future.

This is just not me on too many levels to even acknowledge... a very odd interpretation indeed. Anyone who knows me would find this quite shocking indeed. Although, I know there are some that would say, "See, I keep telling you this and you don't believe me," but no, this is not me so for the sake of Blogdom, I can play along, but then that would be false and I'm working on my honesty skills. Yea, that's it.


Still working on my html skill, or lack thereof. Tried to tweak a few things and ended up shutting down some features. My apologies. Back at work now so I am back 'at work' on my blog...lol.

Crazy night at work tonight so I can't have too much fun but it's just the beginning of the week folks so there'll be more coming shortly ... at least til 'Friday' arrives. Which can't be soon enough, oy what a weekend I had...hm?

Between pool pump burnout, two flat tires, bad breakers and no power in the two bathrooms, back door broke and new french doors installed, not to mention a dental visit (part one) with a crown to ensue during part two, sheesh, had to come back to work for a break...yea, so glad to be here... all I keep hearing is CH-CHING!!!!

I think I could just really use a good ol' hug!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

And the caged bird sings...

Heard something MUCH needed today while in the office this afternoon; put my head back on right. Just soothed my soul and calmed my nerves. Essentially it put all back into perspective. See, yesterday eve, the 8 year old came home with an issue from school where a kid wouldn't let him pass to the teacher's desk. Now it's been very clear he is never to strike first and to avoid physical conflict until it is an absolute last resort. Should he need to defend himself he only does so to get away and contact an adult. Well, his father came to the house for dinner last night to take them out for candy later. As I'm getting ready to go to work I hear him yelling at him to beat this kid in the face until a teacher has to peel him off of him. And if he doesn't he's going to get is ass kicked when he gets home.

Well this sends me reeling of course but I am in no position to say anything because he is the child's father - who the hell am I? Right?! So needless to say I find this advice beyond neanderthal but more importantly it's irresponsible. Which sums this guy up in a nutshell, in my humble opinion but that's another issue, lol. Anyway, I left the house in a hurry for fear of the blood in my mouth making me sicker than I was already feeling from anger/frustration, all kinds of great stuff.

As I drove the short distance to work I worked on my composure as I had a long night before me and came to the brutal and honest realization, THESE ARE NOT MY KIDS! That is all there is to it. And as heart broken as it felt it was something I had to face and get over. Will I get over it, certainly and I'm sure I'll even forget again and cause myself further grief for it in the future. I guess I never realized just how vested in them I was because I do tend to keep a shield up - hell, I was a step kid growing up and I know how we can be so I am guarded but I know now not enough - no, just not prepared I guess for the fall out that will continue to occur in my position from time to time.

So I feel very much trapped in the untitled position I'm in and I know I am the one they come to for help with homework, for hair products and clothing, for school supplies, or even just money to go to the game. I know they do respect me and value my opinions especially since I'm asked by the teens "how do I look" fifteen or MANY more times a day...but when it really counts I guess I just felt like I don't. I left for work feeling very disregarded, inconvenienced, ambushed, and with out any sort of consideration. I truly felt uncomfortable in my own home; I didn't belong, I didn't fit in and I couldn't get the hell out of there fast enough. I can honestly say I STILL feel lost; stranded is an even better word to describe this. At this point, my emotions or transcending to numb and then they will pass. My chest is a tight bunch of bands around my heart at this point barely allowing me to breathe. And I cannot help but continue to ponder my place, my voice, my role in these kids lives...what do I do with that?

What to do with this "father's" advice...nothing.

This 8 year old boy who is so gentle and loving and GOOD, I mean really GOOD is being told to turn into a monster - and I can only hope that GOOD in him tells him the right path to take. If I'm asked, I'll be honest, after all - he was literally told to do everything I exactly expressed for him not to do. He was told not to tell anyone and to just pummel this kid. Now there's SO many things wrong with this but just to take the fact that he is a gentle (strong but gentle) boy, what if he gets hurt...who will feel bad for that? What if he really hurts the other boy...who will feel bad for that? And if HE was guilty of not letting someone pass and they climbed all over his face and hurt him, I'd be in that office so fast looking for that child's removal and pressing charges...who would feel bad for that? Do we teach violence as a society - ABSOLUTELY! How do we stop it? From home...and who could feel bad for that?!