near the gates of madness I sit

So...as part of NaNoWriMo I began this book/novel. It's been a fascination of mine since high school; freshmen year. Criminal Justice; our instructor was a militant, conservative, ex-marine, wannabe cop that travelled Russia and Germany and had a room full of governmental paraphenalia from prisons and wartime, etc.

Throughout my high school and post h.s. years, I read books such as "Alone with the Devi,l" "Silence of the Lambs" (prior to the movie), and "The Encyclopedia of Serial Killers." I wrote term papers on the sociopathic criminals and the most heinous of criminals, the cannibals. I was interested in forensic work for the FBI way before CSI or Silence entered into mainstream entertainment. It was intriguing.

Well, I am finally writing about all that I've read and imagined. It's great, it's been invigorating and it's been scary as hell. Hon even asked a couple times now if I'm sure I want to write it. I've been really freaking myself out around the house - becoming a tyrant about locking the front door at all times and making sure the garage is shut and that door locked too.

You see, to write this book, I'm thinking like the sociopath. I've put myself in this person's shoes; how not to get caught, what to do and how. How far to describe the horrible deeds perpetrated and what exactly is the victim suffering?! I'm not method acting, mind you, but it does put your head in a certain frame of mind. So - mostly, I've worked on this while I'm at work. By the time I come home, had the radio or tv on, talked with the family, I can sleep like a baby - no dreams, no paranoia, etc.

But, I've also suffered a certain writer's block for not giving in. Now I'm back to doing some research to see how to walk that fine line before I really plunge forward. I'm still excited; no I didn't hit the 50K words however I did learn to not re-read and re-write as I go. I'm just going and when I'm done THEN I will re-hash, re-write, and re-figure what is needed. That in and of itself was an incredible move toward progress.