been a long time...

 I've never gone anywhere near a year without writing,  ever.  I was amazed to see the gap from my last post.  wow!   so much has transpired since.   still riding and lifting and trying to maintain inner peace despite delays and postponed sabbaticals... hopefully i can discuss that with detail and knowledge in November.  my latest planned month to take the trip to Fresno.    kids start kindergarten next week and another chapter of my life will begin. much anxiety and excitement for them and me, lol.   think I'll be able to maintain my thoughts again.   good to be home

Ipod is posessed or really freakin' smart?!

So I'm at work with my buds in to keep me moving and motivated, etc.  "Interlude : Memory" from Janet Jackson's Velvet Rope comes on.  It's just 4 seconds of her saying "You don't have to hold on to the pain to hold on to the memory."  The next song to play is Natalie Merchant's "River" from Tigerlilly, WOW! 

If anyone is NOT familiar with "River" it is a song regarding the life and (mostly) death of River Phoenix.  If you do not know who that is, why do you read my blog?  Not that I discuss him (ever) but those who are on a similar page as me would a) know Natalie's work and/or b) know who R.P. is - anyway, if you are now being educated, welcome to my blog - please feel free to stay and may I inquire why you are here?  LOL!  Hope that doesn't sound bitchy; that is certainly not my intent. 

Anywho...as I was saying - how did my IPOD put that together?  Random, I know, but really cool.  And I am a bit tired so maybe overthinking???  Didn't even remember that part of Velvet Rope so it was really surprising to hear that connection. Alright - whatever.  Moving on now. 


ps - love when shit like that happens!!

dumbfounded

I lost my mother five days ago.  She was, as most are, my biggest fan.  She thought I had a great voice.  She thought I was a great writer - LOVED my writing!!  There was nothing I couldn't accomplish - she truly always believed in me - absolutely.  She gave me my humanity, my confidence, my compassion.  Most who know me know that I am complex.  I come off quite blunt and harsh and at the surface that is who I am.  Those inner layers that are so well protected and rarely seen are from my mother.  I guard them as they are precious.  It's now all that I have left of her - and the occasional smile or twinkle in my daughter's eyes. 

She was a religious person - I am not.  Ironically, it was her faith and condition that provided the falling out of my own.  She has been ill for years, decades!  How could someone with such devotion be rewarded so poorly?  Obviously her beliefs were in vain.  So I let go of mine - I was angry, I was confused, I was frustrated.  Over time, as I got older and observed the world around us and the human condition, the lack of character and hypocrisy amongst those who preached the "love" the most, I realized for myself that the emotions that took me to the place of being agnostic logically and intellectually developed into who I am today, an athiest. 

I was speaking with my four year old son yesterday morning.  We were laying upside down on my bed just relaxing before beginning our day.  He knew Grandma was at the hospital a few days prior and that I rushed to take care of her.  He asked how she was and I told him that Grandma had died. We put our dog down a month ago and lost a couple chickens a few months prior to that so he has some concept of death.  As much, I would suppose, a four year old can. 

He asked where she was and I paused and explained this gets pretty complicated but that there are different ideas of what happens after someone dies.  Some think that they a born again as a new baby and grow and have a new life.  Some believe they go to a special place where they have nothing but happiness.  Some people think they are just gone and that it.  Then he asked if she was walking.  My mother hasn't walked in 23 years - I told him with a huge smile on my face, "Yes, Grandma is walking, baby."

Lyrics | Fleetwood Mac lyrics - Beautiful Child lyrics

sore and feeling old...er

So I busted tail all day yesterday planting trees, hedges, and plants, etc. I wacked my way through an old ficus tree stump and finally conqueured those arms meandering through the earth. Today I pay for it all dearly. Dearly!

Breathing takes some focus. Typing is quite the chore as even the muscles in my hand, specifically between my forefinger and thumb, are inflamed. The blisters on the palms make it unbearable to use lotion to soothe and / or soften my calloused and chapped fingers. It's been quite a day back at work in the "cube" so I am very glad for it to be almost over.

I haven't posted in quite a while so I thought I would take a few moments at the end my day. Been gym-ing regularly and really starting to see and feel those bennies. Bout F*N time is all I can say there - although I have begun incorporating more cardio as fat burning is non-existent which has been frustrating. Took the bik out for a few good rides - especially one up near Camp Verde that was a bit technical. Been hiking a bit and increasing time on the stationary bike as well as rowing and treadmill. Although I have been trying to provide most of the cardio from outdoor activities. It's more fun and mentally stimulating.

Well, yesterday, I certainly acheived both cardio and resistance training. At this point, my forearems are burning and cramping so I suppose this post is done. I'll have to get back to this a bit more regularly - perhaps at least commit to a weekly update - okay - they really hurt now, so terribly sad. I'm out!

Playlist time

So I have resumed my regimen - to a certain degree. I miss the old gym layout - much more convenient to my routine but I am at least back regularly - nearly daily and feeling really nice about it. My body is trembling as I type from the lastest workout. I have revamped my playlist - but needing to add a few new bits I haven't had a chance to sync up yet.

Work out Playlist - 1Q/2012 - not quite in this order

Find Your Love Drake - easy warm up; stretch and sway
Don't Cha Pussy Cat Dolls
At the End ILO
Fast Love George Michael
Smack My Bitch Up Prodigy
Rebel Yell Billy Idol - fave to run to
All these Lives Daughtry
Back on the Road Again REO Speedwagon
Kashmire Led Zeppelin - mental push/second wind
Burn it to the Ground Nickelback
Measure Up to Me Pink
Before the Worst The Script
Breakdown Daughtry
Twilight Zone Golden Earring
Boys of Summer DJ Sammy (cover)
Freedom '90 George Michael
You can't Be Me Pink - great pacing for curls
Call Me Go West
................and to finish strong.............
No Easy Way Out Robert Tepper (Rocky IV)
Training Montage Vince DiCola (Rocky IV)
Going the Distance Bill Conti (Rocky)

I have a lot of work to do to get the results I am seeking - and that's okay. I've begun the
path to get there and I am quite enjoying it as I do. My initial plan is to be aware of what I
eat but maintain majority of my focus on routine and developing my habits, techniques, and
varieties of exercises in the gym. My food choices are good and in alignment but definitely
need to be tuned up - a need some new additions on that end as well. Although I did score the recipe to a protein shake I have been truly enjoying - Coconut milk, strawberries, and vanilla whey protein powder - BLEND and enjoy!!

My new toy

Work has left me chompin' at the bit to take her out for a true ride - but she is pretty and easy to roll with. Found her on CL a few days back. She's a low end MTB but will do beautifully for me as I am a newbie so fits nice. Plus the price was super right! Still going to the gym but wanted something outdoor - something new, different, and this fit the bill. Plus I've always been a rider. I was a late starter, didn't learn to ride til 9 years old, but I was off ever since. What a sense of independence my first bike gave me.

I always had wheels from 9 on. It may have been a butchered banana seated bike crossed with a bmx, that was my first - or perhaps my brother's Raleigh 10-speed that was way too big for me. I literally had to rest on car bumpers to "reach" ground when I wasn't moving. That lead me to my first 24" 10-speed which I then, finally, grew tall enough for the normal 26" road bike.

I didn't learn to drive til I was well over 18 - I had my bike. Didn't need to drive. So now, at 40, I take on mountain biking. I am really looking forward to getting going and seeing how it feels. I look even more forward to having to upgrade the week-ass shocks that come stock on this bike. They will be white - which will really pop against the racing red with white trim. That will be a true indicator of just how bad-ass I become at MTB. Challenge!!

Full suspension or Front suspension...

...that is the question. I have been researching and researching. I have decided against 29ers, 69ers, and 96ers. This far I have come - however, I still cannot decide between a fs v. hardtail mt. bike. I have read the pros and cons for both and I guess it comes down to personal preference.
Really liking the Trek 4300, colours and all. I won't be racing so that isn't in my equation but I plan on testing out both within the next week. I am really excited for suspension forks, period. My old 2000 model is as hardtail as it comes - forks and all. I don't even recall when I got it - perhaps older than 2000. It was from Toys R Us, an old Huffy? but I am not sure.

When I built it I didn't put the decals on so it's just straight blue, pretty but with grip shifters (blech) which was the newest thing at the time, and no disc brakes, plus it's one heavy bitch for sure. That actually may do me some favors as I am a beginner but I can only imagine what the lack of suspension is going to do to my forearms and shoulders. Trail riding will be very interesting. I'll need a mouthguard.

So I continue to ponder which way to roll - looking forward to trying both out - but I am leaning towards hardtail simply as they are not only less expensive (not by much via CL) but because they are lighter. Regardless, I just want to get dirty. May not have the Jeep anymore but I can tear through mud on either of these.




Not this one - this one runs over 4k but it sure is inspiring.

Spinning spinning ... wheels

We have a broken government. This isn't new. They can contact their spin doctors and try as they might but it might actually be that people are FINALLY fed up with the bullshit. I sure hope so. Guess we will see come voting time. Occupy has been great to raise awareness along with some eyebrows but I sure hope they start DOING something. Someone with "the" voice needs to step forward and start making Occupy more than just a bunch of people complaining. I wait with baited breath.

We have a special ... or was that super committee? Either way they turned out to be neither. Even if they were successful in accomplishing the cuts of over 1.3 trillion dollars it amounted no more than plugging one of five holes in a barrel - we are still spending more money on interest than our economy can scramble together...ha, feels like most Americans' households nowadays I am sure.

Holidays just aren't in me this year. I don't know if it's the economic climate, the injustices our systems have suffered most recently, kids disappearing out of their beds, or just winter blues finally hitting me. I don't generally get those - I love winter and snow and all that comes with it...but, alas the spirit of the season is escaping me. I was in a much better place last year. But I wasn't.

The best thing about the season is it ends. This too shall pass and then we can simply enjoy an impromptu ski afternoon, or a serendipitous snowball fight, or perhaps a trip to the coast for some R and R. Regardless, I will be glad to be rid of funky ol' me. Blech.

A "stoning" in GA

We look on in horror at injustices committed all across the globe. The boys trespassing in Iran, the woman stoned in the middle east, or the women held in North Korea. They were all found guilty through the judicial system of the country. Currently, in Italy, there is much speculation over Knox and did she or didn't she? Yet we cry for these individuals to be released - those caught trespassing were guilty - they committed the offense and according to law of the land, were to be punished. But our society advocated for their release...interesting. While I don't disagree with requesting their release and for the courts of those countries to show mercy - I would like to think America has just as much compassion when it comes to persecuting those within our own system.

It never ceases to amaze me how this country of ours continues in arrogance with every error in judgement we make. It is now we, the United States of America, that appears to have "stoned" someone especially when considering there was such a cloud of doubt over this case. The world is looking at us as though we brutally murdered a man through "the system" - we look like a nation with a barbaric justice system with no human face or mercy - who will kill a potentially innocent man. Shame on Georgia, shame on the supreme court. Whether this man was guilty or innocent - the fact that a world, including much of this country, is still unsure, should have been enough to grant clemency.

Kid had a tough night...

Ever just feel like a ghost. Walking through life and going to work, coming home, attending to chores and there's just no ... anything...

Life is full of peaks a valleys - I've had my share of peaks and I have had my share of valleys. It's just when you go through that hollow phase it is so hard to look up the mountain at the peak that awaits you. All you hear with cries of help are echoes coming back at ya - that's if you even have it in you to cry in the first place.

This too shall pass - life goes on...

Crawling out of my skin

So I am on the horizon of new things - went kayaking last week and really enjoyed it - plan on doing that much more often. They have these moonlit paddles at Lake Pleasant when it's a full moon. Looking forward to taking advantage of those. Also there's this rock climbing group that go twice weekly to an indoor gym and then occasionally head outdoors and that's something I would like to try. I am perhaps the fittest in my life and don't want to waste any of the energy or muscle or guts for that matter. Hon had me water ski for the first time ever last Friday at the lake. I biffed - all three/four times I tried. Last effort brought me the closes to actually standing but alas, some other time.

There's a sunrise meditation hike up Camelback I'm going to check out in a couple weeks. That will be very enjoyable. I think I will begin my training for Havasupai - this is the closest ( I think ) I will ever be physically to hike and camp that route. Very excited to check out the falls and pools as well.

I was listening to some OLD mini-discs with obviously old music - wow! I swear it's sometimes such a diary the collections we create - kind of cool and at times, kinda creepy. Anyhow, until our next home project is completed (just finished our master bath and closet, finally) I won't be doing too much outdoors - also considering the heat it's safer for now. I have landscaping waiting for me as well. But - I will be squeaking in some new jaunts soon. Very excited.

Next race isn't til November? My ass needs to get back to the gym and start endurance training - my lungs so suck it right now. Guess we'll see how far back I am when I check it out next week. Got a two week pass to try a new gym - sooo miss my old place. Ahhhh memories.

Beautiful new movie for 2012 - Summer

Brave....cannot wait!

yum!

Bday Pics

Great weekend spent loving the outdoors

So I took the clan to Fossil Springs. We all had a great time, albeit I killed yet another Droid. I suck so bad with these "smart" phones lately I swear it's payback for teasing the girls about being phone jinxs in the past.

Anyway, the bogos (mostly Gray) enjoyed the waterfalls and current and water in general. They frolicked and hiked (mostly Chloe) along the bank and found STICKS!!!

The big (little) ones really enjoyed the cliff diving and rope swings. Jo claimed this was his new favorite sport.

The weather was ideal and considering it was a holiday weekend the creek was pretty quiet and much less crowded than I expected only leaving me to appreciate this trail/creek even more!

Time keeps on slipping...

...the countdown begins. I am four days away from surgery - the bathroom is gutted and ready for somebody, anybody, to show up and do the work we are paying them to do - the babes are in the process of kicking ass at potty training (well SHE is anyway - he is just beginning) - and with that...school for the bogos is around the corner!!!

Lots of changes this next couple weeks. Very Very excited!!!

Got notice Xterra has it's 2012 series posted! I so sucked it up these past couple of months - have a lot to make up for ESPECIALLY since I won't be doing the Warrior Dash next week...major drag! But, I should be back in the gym full board in 8 wks so that's cool. Come October, I will be ready to roll at Estrella!

Going to get the tikes bikes ready as well as my own tuned up and hit the trails north of my house. Mountain biking is going to be the next "experience" to get after. Hopefully, this will also aid in bringing my endurance back faster - amazing how quick that wanes when you aren't running regularly.

Took the kids for a run a week or so ago and at the start it was pretty rough but by the time we looped the last mile I was feeling pretty good and that was pushing a stroller with 35+lb/each twins so it was a nice surprise to see my lungs respond in kind. Just need a few runs at T-bird to get me back on track. I'll have to take the pup for a walk - she's been so patient. Perhaps this Sat. am?